i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
