The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
