I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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