Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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