Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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