look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
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