guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
