I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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