Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm getting married
To pizza
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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