People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Randomize
