So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
