I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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