youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
