he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
