I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
