Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Randomize
