dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
