I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
