If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
