she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Your penis caused this!
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