he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
