no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize