Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Randomize
