The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
