Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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