thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
