The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
