please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
