Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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