i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
She even gives head with a lisp.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
