porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
