I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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