Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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