I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
