She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
