what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
