Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
