Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
