every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
