sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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