For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
