I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
