whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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