I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
