Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
