So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
