I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
