Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
drinking out of a sandbucket again
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
