I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
