How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Crop dusting thru forever 21
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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