You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
